cost of living

it has been two years since my last entry an almost two and a half years since i have been diagnosed with end stage renal failure. 2 and a half years .. spending 10 hours of each week plugged to a machine designed to filter out the excess water and toxins from your blood, not to mention the cost of the procedure and the meds that goes with it. which is..

P 1,500/week - anti-hypertensives
P 1,000/dialysis session - epoetin (hormone that triggers your marrow to produce blood cells)
P 1,850/session - dialysis fee
P 1,000/5 sessions - dialyser (your temporary kidney)

oh well...

mrt bombing

nakapila ako para sa ticket nang sumabog yung bomba. malakas ang naging pagsabog. umalingawngaw sa loob ng gusali at niyanig palapag na aking kinatatayuan. agad kong naisip, 'salamat sa Diyos, buhay pa ako'

nakapagbilang ako ng tatlo bago nahimasmasan ang mga tao sa paligid. marami ang nagkandakaripas ng takbo. may iba na napaupo na lang at umiyak. ang iba hawak hawak ang kanikanilang mga cellphone. sa simula gusto ko rin sanang tumakbo at lumayo sa lugar na yon, pero nang makita ko ang mga tao na nagsusumiksik sa kaisaisang labasan, mas minabuti ko na humanap na lamang ng isang sulok. duon sa sulok ako ay nagmasid sa mga susunod na maaring mangyari.

ilang sandali lang ay nagsimula nang mapuno ng maitim na usok ang istasyon. sunog marahil. habang pababa ako ng istasyon, natanaw ko ang mga tao sa labas, tumatakbo na animo ay walang patutunguhang direksiyon. nakakatakot. lahat ng mga tao ay natataranta, nakapadaling samantalahin ng kung sino man ang nagpakana ng gulong ito.

dumaan ako sa ilalim ng istasyon. kaunti lang ang tao dun. magiging madali ang maglakad papuntang pasay road, sumakay ng bus papuntang ortigas palayo sa lugar na ito. pagahon ko sa edsa, nakita ko ang pinagmumulan ng itim na usok. isang pampasaherong bus na tuluyan nang nilamon ng apoy. natigilan ako at sa ikalawang pagkakataon nagpasalamat na walang nangyari sa akin. nagalay na rin ako ng panalangin sa kung sino man ang naiwan sa loob ng bus na yon.

nakasakay ako ng bus sa ayala. mabuti naman at mabilis ang naging biyahe mula ayala hanggang ortigas. nagkita kami ni tess sa megamall sa napagusapang oras at di ko siya gaanong napagalala. mabilis kaming kumain ng hapunan at agad na bumiyahe pauwi.

gusto ko pa naman sanang matulog sa bus. di ko na magawang umidlip. kailangan nang maging listo sa bawat biyahe.

gabay room

ito ang paksa ngayon sa isang e-group na ako ay kasapi. makita ko yung tanong, biglang bumalik sa akin ang nga alaala

naaalala (tama ba spelling dyep?) ko yung mga pagkakataon sa ilalim ng puno ng talisay sa tabi ng kwarto, tumutugtog ng gitara sabay sa umaalulong na boses ng mga resident crooners ng gabay. nasa labas din ang ibang mas seryoso sa amin , di makapag-aral sa loob sa maraming posibleng dahilan - may meeting sa loob, may choir practice, nasa loob si omar. kaya lang di rin sila libre sa labas - may naglalaro ng sipa at patintero, may nagtatalo tungkol sa sinabi ni padre sa nakaraang klase, lumabas si omar ng kwarto. no choice talaga, makikigulo na rin sila.

nakakalungkot, dahil gigibain na raw ang gusali na pinananahanan ng gabay room. isang bahagi ng buhay ko na itatabi sa baul ng nakaraan.

implants i want

i was on my way to the office when i passed by a small hedge. it was jam-packed with bright yellow flowers that, if not closely scrutinized, can be taken as its leaves. i have to stop for a while to get my fill. every time i feel off, i simply go back to that mental image and feel content.

sana may digital camera ako.

i digress. these would be the implants i want if ever the technology becomed feasible

digital camera in my eyes, x-ray features would be nice
audio recorder in my ears, radio receiver would be ok too
transmitter/reciever on my pinky and thumb, numpad on my palm
retractable claws (ala wolverine nyahahaha)

as an aside, i want my appendix removed to i wouldn't have to worry about it every time my side hurts

cool game

i found this game at the site big-boys.com

magic medicine

i attended a seminar last tuesday, on a product that claims to be a cure for all forms of maladies. i was skeptical at first. i did some background research on its working principle (systemic enzyme therapy) and found that it has promise. i came with an open mind and quite ready to believe anything.

i turns out that cure is an extract derived from the inedible parts of fruits - papaya and pineapple skins, grape seed, etc. - claimng that the enymes derived from these will augment the homeostatic nature of the body (disease being an abnormality in the body)

however, the lecturer overdid his bit. instead reinforcing my hopes, he aroused my skepticism. after the 3 hour seminar, i was firmly convinced that the whole thing was a joke. darn.

this weekend, i and my father will go to a place in tarlac. someone there claims the same thing, but under more implausible contexts. i wouldn't hold my breath though.

stardate 20-0412-09, terra, sol system, milky way

this is the very first entry of my web log. first of all i would like to thank blogger for providing this service and my close friend macoy, for pointing me out to this site thus knowing of its existence.

the past days have been very stressful for me. a crisis is currently testing my resolve. how will i come out of it? i don't know. people around me are supportive, my wife, my parents, my in-laws, my 3 year old son. yes, vincent helps in his small way. his smile always takes all my cares and worries, makes life a little more bearable each day.

but then, how will this end? i feel so helpless. i look at my wife and i feel sorry for her for sharing this burden with me. i feel sorry for myself get geting myself into this state. how will it end?

maybe sometime i will be able to lay it all out. till then.